Ego vs Intuition

I recently had the opportunity for self-expansion, which came in the form of a personal conflict. Having had some time to process it, I can now call it an “opportunity.” In the midst of it, however, I felt terrible. I hadn’t felt that type of energy in many years…a huge telltale sign that there was a big, juicy lesson there, just waiting to be revealed. There were also many triggers along the way. Due to the reactions happening within me regarding the situation, I was clear that my ego was involved to some degree, but what about my intuition? I kept asking myself, “Is this my ego or is my intuition trying to tell me something”? Another thing I noticed, was the story I began creating around it, not just to myself, but to others who were involved. Hmmm, Ego.
In my “rightness”, I composed a very eloquent letter stating the “facts” and my feelings about them, again, ego. I was, however, aware enough not to send it, but to just sit with it. Intuition. I meditated on it daily. What began to become apparent to me, was as long as I was attached to any outcome, and not in a place of love about it, then I was still in my ego, and would not be able to make a clear decision.
I began to delve into each facet of what was coming up for me. These were ancient patterns that had taken root within me eons ago. How was I to stay true to the authentic parts of myself and yet remain flexible enough to make the situation work? There were multiple layers involved. Respect, not just for and from others-but for myself. Also resistance and self-esteem, as well as fear, to name a few. It was all there in one big, beautiful package. In addition, I became aware that I had an opportunity to shift another’s perspective of spiritual awareness, and I was blowing it. I was choosing to engage in the dance of dysfunction.
With this recognition, I began to do a series of practices to come into alignment with some of the polarities that were happening within me. My angst and dislike around the situation were keeping me tied to it after all, repulsion and desire are opposite ends of the same stick. And I got still. Whenever a resistance would appear, I would go within and examine the messages and meanings I was assigning to those thoughts. I then challenged the thoughts and asked for alignment, while surrendering any beliefs I had been holding. Finally, I sought to find what was “right” about the situation, an “Access Energy” question I had learned many years before. Along the way, my intuition became clearer and so did my heart. As I began to let go of my self-defeating messages and beliefs, the energy began to shift to one of love. Ahhh. It was only at this point; I could check in with my intuition to feel what would be the best course of action, or non-action, to take.
Within a couple of days of my shift, the other party involved reached out to make amends. Funny how that happens. Smiley face. I have often asked myself, what it is that ultimately happens to allow the shift to occur. I believe it’s the divine influence of Grace, that moment when you align with Spirit. We have both agreed to move forward, and my intuition, no longer clouded by my ego, feels congruent. This in no way negates the parts of the situation that were not in integrity. That’s where the other parts of my lesson came into play. There were challenging times along the way where it was necessary to stand my ground, due to my own sense of integrity and well-being. What was different, is that I no longer had any attachment to the outcome. Whew.
I continue to realize that intuition, or spiritual will or whatever that ever-present essence is that resides within, can only begin to be heard when we are willing to let go of resistance. As we continue to shed our layers of ego, we find that our exterior desires, such as the need to be right, begin to diminish, and what rises in its place is the desire for peace. Namaste’.